Toastmasters Speech 5

Written on 10:21 AM by nitesh

This is taken from the greatbong.net blog post. I found this humorous and hence used it as project 5 speech in the toastmasters club.

Coach Man

Suppose
You have an abusive, self-obsessed boyfriend Pause (let's call him Greg Chappell). (Loud)Ultimately after years of abuse, a disastrous emotional meltdown Pause (let's call it the World Cup) occurs after which you dump him. Then comes along this other guy, (loud) (let's call him Dave Whatmore - loud) who really wants you with all his heart. You don't quite feel any passion despite the fact that there is not much wrong with him. In the absence of someone better, you string him along . And then when man 2 (Ford), the guy who really rocks your boat came along, you publicly kick the first suitor, call him over-eager and hence by extension a despo.

You surrender yourself to the new guy, while your parents present you with man 3 (John Em "Burey" nazar walen tera mooh kala), a two-time divorcee with kids. Not much of a choice. You propose to man2 who then turns around, says he finds you over-eager and spurns your overtures.
The Indian cricket coaching try not to use hindi word ---- this could be replaced with "drama" or anything else has now officially become a farce. Which is why I desist from analyzing the situation but instead propose a solution to the impasse.

Let Maninder Singh be the next Indian coach. Pause
Why? pause
Because this man is, a genius. pause

Don't believe me? pause Well a few days ago, Maninder Singh (India's premier spin bowler of the 80s) was taken to the hospital with his wrist slashed. Evidently a suicide attempt.

But then where's the genius you ask?pause It's this. Maninder firmly maintains that he did not attempt suicide.

What happened was Maninder, who was admitted to the Shanti Mukund Hospital Saturday, recorded a statement with the police giving an account of how the incident took place at his Preet Vihar residence in east Delhi.

Maninder told us his wrists were injured when he smashed the glass panes of the bay window of his home with his hands in an attempt to awaken his family on his return home after midnight Saturday. He termed it an accident,' as mentioned by a senior official of police
A force of nature. Loud
You all may be wondering how does this prove cricketing acumen? Well pause to be honest it does not. But of late I have been hearing that the main job of a coach is to motivate the players-after all senior cricketers don't have technical problems. And what can motivate players better than to see the coach literally bleeding to "awaken" the country? loud

And if more excitement is needed than the sight of body fluids on glass, pause Maninder, recently was arrested for possessing cocain can supply our boys with some chemical motivators that will surely make them "play out of their skin", increase their "speed" and hit cracking shots. Fast at one go At the very least the dressing room will be promoting "Coke"(another name for cocain), the irritating blue billion Pepsi ads will permanently be shelved.

Gavaskar will like the fact that he is Indian.
Mohinder Amarnath, who threatened recently by saying that
"if you think that just because someone's colour is white and his skin is different that makes him better then even I will begin using Fair and Lovely : so I can make my colour like that" will not complaint Fast at one go

Niranjan Shah will discover that Maninder is not very expensive and the only support staff he will ask for are some Nigerian men as sports medicine experts. (they will supply coke)

In all, its a win-win smashing situation for everyone.
Maninder Singh for coach. Please. loud

Thank you

Enjoyed giving this speech. Got awesome feedback :)

Posted in Toastmasters |

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